I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
