my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
