i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
