it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
