Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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