The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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