I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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