im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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