can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
