ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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