apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
