Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
