Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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