The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We have started to decorate penises.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
