just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
