Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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