I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
