you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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