i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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