how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
