Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
