Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
