Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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