You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
