fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
