I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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