if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize