I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize