haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
