I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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