Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
