Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
