This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
