i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
