Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
