Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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