dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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