The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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