is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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