some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
