I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
