My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
