Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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