I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You pole danced in your parka.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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