He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
