Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
how do flat chested girls get laid?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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