so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize