She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
from now on my penis is your penis
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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