I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
