Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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