If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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