he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
