i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
