He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
