I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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