There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
