In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
