I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
