I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
