Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize