In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So here I am, sexting at work.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
