WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
