D3 body, D1 cock
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize