Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
