shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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