I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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