dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize