dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
