So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
