"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
