I wish I could punch you in the face.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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