You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Alive.
So much puke
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
