$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
