You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize