just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
