I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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