Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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