I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
