Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
