She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
