I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
