If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
