We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
