You're so nebulous sometimes
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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