i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
