Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
home. puking in laundry basket.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
