now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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