i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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