Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
