so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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