I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
