i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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