she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
