I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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