he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
