help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
