she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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