I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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