...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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