I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
