you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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