would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Randomize
