Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
