What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it glows. i had to have it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
