Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Randomize
