think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
