a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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