i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
