she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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