He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
