I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
