Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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