I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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