so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize