Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
