I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
