Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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