i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
